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A Dadgummed Good Donut

2010 June 13
by Phil Miller

From Joe Walljasper of the Columbia Daily Tribune:

I have never heard of the maple bar, but I can only imagine its deliciousness. It is a pastry native to the Pacific Northwest that is so tasty that a man can steal one and not be held accountable. What chance did he have?

“They’re irresistible,” said Seattle Seahawks rookie wide receiver Golden Tate after being caught stealing a maple bar from a Top Pot donut shop in Bellevue, Wash.

It was 3 a.m. and the shop wasn’t open, but the nighttime baker had left the door unlocked. Tate and a friend popped in and swiped the maple bars. The baker noticed them and called 911 and reported the theft.

The police bought the deliciousness defense and let Tate off with a warning. His boss was similarly sympathetic.

Pete Carroll barely batted an eye.  Still, I’d hope, especially if I were a Seahawks fan, that Tate would show better judgment as a highly-paid NFL player and not risk his new NFL career by swiping a donut, albeit a Top Pot donut.  Then again, given the punishment that he got and making the appropriate assumptions about his expected punishment, maybe swiping the pastry was an optimal choice.

2 Responses
  1. kevin permalink
    June 13, 2010

    “Golden Tate” sounds like a kind of donut

  2. Dan permalink
    June 15, 2010

    Maple bars are a gateway pastry. If Golden starts carrying a spare tire we’ll know the cause.

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